To Know How Far I've Come

It's important to remember how we felt and what we thought we knew...to see how far we have come.

While I embrace all that I have ever been and will ever be I am happy to have manifested myself out of the chaos and learned how to put my energy out there; instead of ignorantly entrapping it and letting it overrun me.

This is something I just found that I wrote on June 13, 2000: (I have edited down the length)

The world lives around me
Humming through.
My body aches, I want
To fall apart.
I can no longer bend.

Where does sanity keep?
In the waves of the ocean,
That promise to
Rip me from my bones.
I no longer care to think

I wish I could swell
A little further,
So I might burst.
Intangible:
Tight masks and iron cages.

A hard and polished stone
Goes silent in my chest.

I don't fit. A rubber band
Snaps against my wrist.
Red marked pain.
The atmosphere is too thick,
How do you all breathe?

Wash over me.
I see my own scream.
Ropes twist like snakes -
A sword I try and wield
Let me

Tighten that.
Cut your translucent coat.
I swim the channel.
Grab my own mind,
Shake it loose...

Eternal Giving

         "The reason why the universe is eternal is that it does not live for itself; it gives life to others as it transforms,"   - Lao Tzu

           Transformation equates to energy. As we transform and change, develop and morph, we release energy into the environment around us...while everything around us is doing the same thing. There is a constant flow of energy available to all of us. The problem is with people who are stuck. When you don't grow or change you are producing nothing, your energy literally becomes stagnate, and then you have to take other energy unnaturally and the balanced ebb and flow is broken.
           The universe by it's very nature is in a constant state of transformation and flux, thereby releasing immeasurable amounts of energy into the atmosphere. If you are likewise then you too participate in this "letting" off of energy, and in turn receive all the energy you need to continue to manifest.
           The universe knows what it's doing, learn from it's example:
           There's more energy out there then you could or would ever need and it will come to you if it knows you are only borrowing/recycling it - helping it transform, following the natural process it knows to be right. No energy wants to be consumed and locked inside where it cannot change or grow but only gradually lose it's charge and become bogged down to nothingness...

      If you live for the universe and the natural process of life you will recognize you are part of something that is eternal...you are not in fact a "you", you are little spec of a very large consciousness. Listen. The Universe knows how to be. You know how to be.