Realizations

        Everytime I think I know myself so well and I've learned so much...life makes me aware of even more about myself and/or the world around me. It's kind of humbling. I think I've evolved so much and then someone/thing makes me aware that no, I have not, in fact evolved all that much and I still have plenty of learning to do.
       What's really amazing is that 5 or 6, even 10 years ago I thought I had things pretty well figured out. Hahaha...
        Two things in particular were brought to my attention in the last few days. The first, I am more then happy to contemplate, the second by it's very nature (an issue of avoidance) makes me not want to ponder it on the page, however, I will endeavor to do so - maybe.
        Firstly, There are certain tasks that most people perform because they know they have to and they are relatively successful at it: paying bills, cleaning your house, getting groceries, etc. I have always had the impression that these things get easier with age as you recognize responsibility and understand the importance of being organized or having good credit.
         I have struggled for years and years to try and fix this, but it is my very nature that makes me not successful and no matter how much I try and train myself I still live in a state of utter chaos (I have at least two years of unopened mail shoved away in bags and boxes...hmmmm).
         Someone told me today that I'm one of "those artsy people who's amazingly creative but who can't keep track of their life". Yes, yes that might be me. Trying to be this perfectly balanced "successful at it all" human being is a ridiculous undertaking.
         What really matters is that I am out there doing things and being creative and successful; not that it took me three weeks to mail a letter, or 17 threatening reminder calls to actually take the two minutes to pay the damn bill! So I am being responsible. I've hired someone to help me with the personal logistics of my life!! And I'm even learning how to delegate the little things off at work - that's why I have a support person - imagine that!

        Ahh as for that second thing well, I've realized there is a part of myself I've kept pretty closed off for a long time and I'm always preaching to everyone about being open, well I probably need to take a little of my own advice. What's strange is that I closed it off so far and for so long that I am no longer really aware that it started as something different. I just thought the way I am now is the way I've always been...but someone reminded me that is not so, which in turn made me aware of the fact that I made a more or less conscious decision at some point to change that about myself.